So I was invited to a 21st, the theme of which was "fancy dress". I know, right? No specifications. Do you want me to dress all fancy, like with a monocle and everything, or do you want me to wear a costume of some sort?
Originally, I thought I'd just dress as fancy as I could; the fanciest person at the party! That'd show 'em! But then I thought, no, that's boring. I know! I've ALWAYS wanted to wear a banana costume! EVERYTHING is funnier in a banana costume! And then I decided that I would combine the two, and go as a fancy banana. With a tux jacket and a top hat and everything!
So, I ordered myself an inexpensive banana costume online. I had some fancy-ish pants and shoes I could wear. My brother has a top hat and monocle I could borrow, and I'm quite good at drawing false mustaches on myself, if I do say so myself. All I needed was a tuxedo jacket. But therein lies the difficulty. Have you ever tried to find a tuxedo jacket with no size specifications other than 'it needs to fit around a banana costume'? Well, neither have I, because I was very busy in the weeks leading up to the party and ran out of time to find a jacket.
The day of the party, and frantic for a plan B, I rushed out after work to buy some fishnet tights, threw on my heels and some false eyelashes, and rocked up to the party as a banana hooker.
Yes.
A banana hooker.
In hindsight, I proooooooooobably could've just worn the banana costume. It would make explanations a LOT easier, and I wouldn't have had to spend the night in uncomfortable shoes. Oh well, next time!
Actually, next time, I'm going to cut a bite mark out of the banana costume, cover myself in fake blood and go as a zombie banana. Maybe for Zombiewalk.
Oh, and when I sat down, the costume puffed out considerably, as if I was now a pregnant banana hooker. My friend snapped a photo, which I (humbly) present to you for your amusement.
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| This photo is as good a reason as any to NOT invite me to your party |
As I told my internet wife, "I'm having a WHOLE BUNCH, and they're YOURS!".
Woooowwwww, that takes some guts! So how was everyone else dressed?
ReplyDeleteThere was a Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts, a musketeer, Gordon F**king Ramsay, Jack Sparrow, Dame Edna (that's an Australian thing), the dude from V for Vendetta (I thought he was Zorro until he put the mask back on, a few more, but BEST OF ALL....GUMBY!
DeleteImagine how awkward it would have been if there had been another banana at the party.
ReplyDeleteD:
DeleteWould've been EVEN MORE AWKWARD if somebody else's brain had followed the same logic pattern as mine and there were TWO banana hookers!
looks like you had a blast!
ReplyDelete